9.18.2002

The current mood of kinetic66@yahoo.com at www.imood.com

Mr. Smarty Pants has been feeling a bit bi-polar of late. Feeling a bit manic as well. I believe it has something to do with constantly looking at the "big picture" while concurrently being both annoyed and ceaselessly shocked at the pettiness and insignificant concerns of the average person.....or as i call them....sheep. And selfish narcissistic sheep at that. And did i mention stupid too?
Now....Mr. Smarty Pants would never consider himself as elitist or bourgeois as he finds such behavior offensive and deserving of my personal brand of philosophical whoop-ass after which i'll burn some bridges and salt the earth a bit. This of course feeds into the isolation of Mr. Smarty Pants. Now...for the most part when being alone means being at peace we call it solitude. When alone but in some form of turmoil or disillusionment we call it isolation. I am now in the latter phase. Ironically the more self aware and informed of the truth i am...the more angry, numb and brooding i become. Thus ignorance is bliss. And Mr. Smarty Pants knows nothing of bliss. And ignorance is not an option. So thus i am cursed to live and deal with myself, maintain a facade of sanity and stability while tending to professional and personal responsibility and occasionally venting in one form or another so as to prevent a complete descent into madness. A partial descent is acceptable...Mr. Smarty Pants has been operating in that mode for quite a while now. But a complete descent...not a pretty picture.
So...as part of my cooling off period i'm trying to avoid all forms of media which at this moment affects Mr. Smarty Pants the way a shellfish allergy would. After all i live in a city that places ads over urinals, news flashes on cabs and phone booths, and 6 figure income 20 year old's reading the WSJ on the subway lament the incivilities of the third world while the homeless guy standing next to them has a bowel movement in his pants. So...needless to say to avoid media in NYC you would have to be Helen Keller after polishing off a bottle of Jaeger while locked in a safe during a blackout. Not an easy task. So my days have consisted of riding my motorcycle interspersed with some basic tasks like work, feeding, the occasional movie and some biological functions i need not mention. All this just to maintain the bit of sanity which remains piloting a small boat in an ocean of chaos and malice.
Deep eh..??
Note to self....i need to cut my hair...i have a Steven Segal thing going on which is a definite no-no.
One last note...Football season is back....Mr. Smarty Pants loves football. He loves the Jets in particular. They mirror his life. Each game begins with the anticipation of knowing anything is possible....the confidence that the talent exists to succeed beyond all measure....and the horrible awakening to the fact that in the end you must have been delirious seeing how you got your ass kicked so hard that to sit on a toilet you'll have to roll down your turtleneck.
Until next time......

Adieu....