8.20.2002

The current mood of kinetic66@yahoo.com at www.imood.com

Today's topic in brief is Love.
What exactly is love you ask..?? What the fuck do i know....who do i look like Casanova..?? You see what it did to Romeo and Juliet...and that's on a good day.
Of late Mr. Smarty Pants has been preoccupied with the topic of love (new motorbike and all) ever since i met that appealing woman last weekend. Now am i trying to say that she is the "One"? No of course not..i've never been sure about anything except of course death and taxes. And besides...the last time i thought i met the "One" i woke up in an upper east side apartment two days gone from memory...vague remembrances of a ride in a silver Corvette and a bar named Brownies and a girl that reminded me of Nancy Spungen sleeping next to me wearing a volume of makeup that should not be seen in daylight. That was a long time ago....Mr. Smarty Pants wasn't always smart...and sometimes not in his pants either.
Hmmmm......my train of thought has derailed again...where was i.....ahh yes...Love.
Mr. Smarty Pants' experiences in love fall into several categories a) blind love- the kind of love where you must be blind to think it's love(though being drunk or horney or in a dark bar or any combination of the three are acceptable as "blind love") b) the "I can't believe it's not really love" lwhich is when it's not really love but you convince yourself it is because it will either threaten your masculinity, leave you homeless or both. (and it has half the calories of regular love)
and of course c) the "what the fuck was i thinking" love.(that one should be self explanatory). Now about 89.7% of Mr. Smarty Pants experiences were of the type "C" variety which has made me quite jaded but with the ability to get dressed quickly and quietly whilst jumping out a window or in a moving cab. Nonetheless even with all this emotional scarring this young woman i met awakened a hunger...a desire i had not felt in quite a while...now yes i have to admit i was actually hungry since i hadn't eaten since the night before...but the desire was there...awake...
Mr. Smarty Pants always tried to remain above Desire. Desire was a weak tickling in the belly. A feeling of oh too warm vulnerability. Not familiar terrain for Mr. Smarty Pants.
I must meditate upon this......

8.18.2002

The current mood of kinetic66@yahoo.com at www.imood.com

Vrooom..!!!......put....put....put....put....gasp...cough....sputter....sigh...silence.

I had killed my battery on friday....all with 45 miles on the bike. The dealer told me i was overusing the brake light in city traffic...which i was. But...there is always the possibility i got a bad battery...alas...all is well now. Mr. Smarty "Easy Rider" Pants is happy as long as his motor is running. (ahem)
On Saturday i met a friend i had made on the net. We have emailed each other for several weeks and this past Saturday turned out to be the day our physical paths would cross. I rode into town and she drove. We met on 50th. and 9th. Why 50th. and 9th. you ask..?? Well...why not..? In any case...Smarty Pants has for quite a while tried to resign himself to a life a solitude due to very poor social experiences that can make Sartre and Dostoevsky look like Abbott and Costello...and a particular "circumstance" which has great bearing on everything it seems.. So...intrigued by intelligent conversation and the fact that we maintained contact over a span of time which i considered unusual for people who haven't met.....we both decided to meet. We met at a street fair in Times Square. Turns out not only was she intelligent, intrigueing, and engaging...she was beautiful as well. And i enjoyed her company for the time that i had it. I have of late tried not to interact too closely with people as it's often been a source of pain and suffering...and if i want that i'll pay for it via credit card or call my Ex... But in this instance my friend made me wake up to something i missed but was denying myself because of fear. Fear of love and loss. Historically the two have come hand in hand for me....no actually the two are siamese twins attached at the cranium sharing one brain...yeah...that's more like it. So...needless to say...Mr. Smarty Pants has had his body chemistry thrown off.....order has been disrupted....my little world has been rocked just a bit.....and that's a big deal to a wanna be Vulcan. Fortunately i work tomorrow...bread and circuses for me....yay...