Mr. Smarty Pants is conflicted this late nite. The good news is i bought my motorbike and i'll get it on monday (tuesday at the latest) The bad news is i learned a good friend of mine is a victim of domestic abuse. It seems the latter is burning a brighter fire as my visions of "cyclehood" are obscured at this moment. Funny how simple things that dominate the mind suddenly seem to have no importance in the "Great Scheme". And oh what a great scheme it is. I could go on and on about it as i almost did with her......feeling the rage she should have felt but did not feel. She felt she was to blame or rather she feels she is to blame. That angers me all the more. But i shall bite my tongue....lest i frighten off the one i seek to help. Nevertheless my sharp tongue.....hemorrhages in her stead. But then again...i'm better equipped to handle such things...you see....i rely on no one.

So...thursday once again proved to be a calm day. My glasses were finally repaired after visiting 5.....count 'em...5 eyeglass shops. The first 4 basically telling me that repairing my specs required some rocket science and a form of technology that has yet to exist. So of course these presented 4 opportunities for me to thank them for their time, their minimalist efforts, their lack of drive and then flip them the bird on the way out
Now...yesterday i mentioned a particular nursing unit that has it in for Mr. Smarty Pants because he disapproves of the sometimes lackadaisic manner in which they treat patients. They also dislike me for the 'inflammatory' memo i wrote to their supervisor. The fact that i showed up at the nurses station and exclaimed ' i would never let my mom stay on this unit' didn't win me any points either. So now when i pass them they scowl at me...brows furrowed, eyes trembling from barely contained rage and jaws clenched,nostrils flared with lips quivering in prelude to a vicious attack while i walk on by looking all smug and untouchable. A word of advice.....when taking upon the World.....always try to appear as if you know something they don't. Usually it keeps people guessing.... on the defensive...their menace held at bay by the possibility that you may hold the upper hand. (And chicks dig it.)
My grandfather once told me that in life one has to be sly like a fox, sharp eyed like an eagle but with the patience of a good pair of slacks. He then poured cat litter in his bowl of milk and proceeded to sing i'm a little teapot in falsetto. The Alzheimers was taking it's toll but i got the jist of what he was saying. I think.

The following has been dramatized for your nutrition:

Today was a different day for Mr. Smarty Pants. Things were actually a bit better. First of all the money double dipped from my checking account by my driving school was returned in full while my lessons still register as fully paid.... Sweet. Then i and a couple of my buddies went to a cycle dealership in Hell's Kitchen where i saw a bike that suited my compact but sinewy size. Ok actually it called to me. Nestled between a Hayabusa crotch rocket monster and and a Vulcan mega cruiser was a Suzuki GS500. It flashed it's left signal light as i approached. "Sit upon me" it said....so i did. Instantly i was transported to the winding roads of Bear Mountain and on the periphery of West Point. I envisioned rides to Baltimore and Philly. Cruising rural Hartford and visions of rides through Cleveland. Ya....i know.....Cleveland ? Well if it's good enough for Drew Carey it's good enough for me. I got off the bike heart aflutter....walked over to the dealer and said...." i want that one" and pointed at the Suzuki. "You like that one?" he said with a hint of melancholy..."yes" i said...."she's the one....my starship"..then i started dancing; doing a combination of Raise the roof and the Cabbage patch.....my buddies looked at me and then at each other and then acted as if they didn't know me. The dealer looked at me and said....."ok Cpt. Kirk....i'll get the finance application".
Back to that later. As you may remember my glasses needed repair. And after the friendly "winky" guy fixed them...they came apart again. They are half rimmed and i needed a new thread on one of the lenses that had broken. I work 3 blocks up from the Eye and Ear infirmary so i went to their optics center during lunch...presented them with my problem and the young woman attending me said the tech isn't here yet but just come back after 1pm and we'll have them for you. At 2pm i returned and the "now present" tech handed me my glasses and said" i can't fix them...we don't have that type of thread". "What type of thread is that?" i replied. The kind that fit those glasses (this was him saying he was not only clueless but full of shit) "Are there many varieties of thread..??"..no answer..."so....what kind of thread do you have?" I asked..... "Look" he said (looking thoroughly flustered)" i can't fix them".."Then just say that" i said...and i walked out. My work here was done. I figured i'll have them fixed in Queens. Now here is the ride to Queens after the cycle shop. I transferred to the #7 at Court Square. I waited and waited and waited and waited and finally the #7 came. It was posted and announced as a local (but anyone who rides the #7 knows that local may mean express and express mean local or express may mean express or local may mean local....you get the picture) so i got on knowing there was an eyeglass place on 49st. so i'll get off on 52nd. But as soon as the doors closed the conductor announced the train would go express to 61st....ok i thought..i'll just backtrack one stop to 52nd. I cross over to the westbound side...catch the #7...doors close and the conductor announces the train is going express to Queens Plaza.....i have now watched my apartment pass twice. At this point i had decided that though the gods had smiled upon me they also meant to keep me with blurred vision. I walked home from 33st ....bought some pot stickers at the Great Dragon ...a six pack at the Spanish-American Korean deli (cute huh...?) and did not allow the great ones to ruin an overall acceptable day. By this day next week Mr. Smarty Pants should hopefully be commuting to work via motorized 2 wheeler and thus eliminating all but proffessional social contact. Not too shabby i must say. Tomorrow i may tell you of my 'imflammatory' memo and why i think the show 'Scrubs' is a work of genius.

Addendum...the nurses of 9 south are conspiring against me methinks....so if a body turns up in the East River encased in Ace wrap with a Foley catheter "in situ"...say hi...

Today was personally uneventful which i suppose can be categorized as a 'good' day. To me a good day is a day when no misfortune strikes. This of course allows me time to focus on the matters concerning our world and the obscenity we call televised journalism The most influential media type on this planet that appeals to the lowest common denominator. I was watching the news today as i often do and besides the usual 'top 40' of the news world....i.e. missing children, rescued miners, homeland security, 'oppressed' Israel, wall street...and of course who's hot in Hollywood. We are told our economy is in dire straits, retirees are returning to work and all the while we are told to consume and not to worry what goes on elsewhere because our government has everything under control. Oh really..... Does anyone know whats going on in Afghanistan? It's hardly mentioned anymore. You don't even see a newsreel. Am i the only one who is bothered by this? A bomb goes off in Israel and Israeli forces bulldoze a hundred Palestinian homes....Am i the only one bothered by this? is it even justified? Please tell me if im wrong but weren't the Palestinians there a few thousand years before the occupying British handed over the land to the Jews half a century ago? The times and names have changed but the methods have not.
When the British commander gave the Indians blankets infected with smallpox was this not an act of terror? Or was it just genocide? Or how about the same government that tested the progression of syphilis on an unknowing African American population. Isn't this an act of terror..?? And now all this 'terror' is being used to justify the quiet form of McCarthyism that seems to be insidiously growing and all because it's 'good' for us. Personally Mr. Smarty Pants thinks that if this nation is brought to it's knees...More likely than not it will be by the corporate jerkoffs who run the Enron's and Worldcom's of the world way before 'extremists' that dot the world.(ps...those execs committed a form of terror act themselves...and Mr. Smarty Pants would love to inflict some on them) I imagine that the Brits probably called us extremist let's say...oh...230 years ago or so....And i'll be damned if i blindly swallow what is told to me to be the truth from some pinheads who are seen by makeup artists and hairstylists between takes.
Bread and Circuses folks....
A word of advice from Mr. Smarty Pants...a very wise band called the Kinks once said "paranoia will destroya...." Apparently it is.....
kinda makes those Crack Cocaine days of the 80's look like a walk in the park. Imagine we may one day look upon those days as our "good 'ol days" our "simpler times"
Now...that's a low down dirty shame ain't it..?
While i'm waxing philosophically i wanted to add....defend the Constitution my fellow Americans. That piece of paper is worth more than every politician that currently exists. Don't let anyone take those rights away from you. Even if you don't agree with them. Do Not let "them" change or alter it in any way..ok..?? good....now get outta here...i'm having some White Castles cheese fries and i don't feel like sharing. I'll be wittier next time....maybe.
Oh and my ass is dry.

I went to work at my part time job at St. Marks Place this evening despite my earlier feelings of foreboding. Finance outweighs foreboding so i took the chance and left the safety of my home. I guess i like living on the edge. So....here is what happened. The first thing was that i sat on something wet on the 'N' train at Queens Plaza. Then my mp3 player committed Seppuku. The train pulls into 59st. when this old man enters the train and stood before me. He activates the two large speakers strapped to his chest and begins blaring 'Big Band' music at full volume Then he pulls a trumpet out of a satchel and proceeds to accompany the orchestra. Now ...had my ass not been wet i may have exited the vicinity But Mr. Smarty Pants looked like he needed a pair of Depends so i chose to stay in my seat till the train arrived on 8st. Unfortunately so did Dizzy Gillespie. So for 20 minutes i got to sit on my wet, blind, and partially broke ass in front of an old man blaring music. Arriving at 8st. i lifted my moist gluteals from the seat and proceeded east towards 2nd. ave. Now the good thing about the East Village is that my hydrated heiney would draw less attention than the asian punk rocker asking for change with a sign that said "need beer now" or the guy that walked by in a t-shirt that said "i am actually a lesbian but no one knows it" So i was of course less conscious of my rear. I even stopped by this eyeglass place next to the clinic where the guy there fixed my glasses at no charge. He also winked at me twice and seemed extremely happy to be of service. I was in fact quite appreciative and had i been gay too i would have winked back. But i did give him a hearty handshake. Gay men like me for some reason. And straight men sometimes think i'm gay. I am in fact devoid of sexuality so i don't worry about it too much anymore. But in all truth...aren't gay men better looking..?? Wow..i feel better already....Ok...pizza is here. Mr. Smarty Pants will go "political" on your asses after the Domino's...

Ok...i called in sick today...not that i was sick...but the air was filled with foreboding....first of all my glasses broke so i'm blind beyond lets say.....5 feet. Then i went online to pay some bills and i noticed that my driving school double dipped when i paid them via debit...then i couldn't find my keys...not to mention the status of the world today. All of it became overwhelming so reflexively i called in sick. I don't do that too often so i felt i earned it this time. A mental health day. Today Bonzai turned 15 (see the link on your right called "the cats"...he's the grey one...) I found him in a garbage bag in 1987 and he was snow white and the size of my hand. Bonzai has been with me through 2 serious relationships and many more dysfunctional ones....even though the 2 serious ones were also dysfunctional. Bonzai has seen both Bush presidencies, the gulf war, Russian liberation, Monica Lewinsky, and the war in Afghanistan.... More on that later... . He's watched Wall Street peak and then crash and then peak and then really really crash...Bonzai actually was the one who inferred to me not to invest in Enron or Worldcom stock. He's consoled me in times of need, and acted as an alarm clock when i overslept. Once when i was taking a shower he climbed to the edge of the tub to watch and then fell in. And he stayed in the shower too. A very strange cat but a loveable one. (though why he was watching me shower still disturbs me a bit.)...nonetheless...Happy Birthday Boner..!!! (his nickname...not an anotomical reference)